The 5 Things In My [Ultimate Bad-Ass Extremes] Bucket List

Friends, neighbors, enemies, don't be sad/happy yet. The door of mortality is not yet closing on me. The HIV is not killing me (because I don't have it, and I know how not to get it). I am still fully capable of things you can do. (I am talking to you, hyper YouTube guy in a Bieber wig. Well, I hope that's a wig.)

So here's why I am taking my time to write something like this (And why this early): I almost got hit by the fastest moving object known to (at least my) memory. It wasn't a Bugatti Veyron, but it was something almost as fast as that. Why it was overspeeding, I didn't know. I would not know. Walking as if nothing "almost"-happened, I reasoned to my self that the driver was probably in a hurry to reach the Johnny, or something was up back at his place like an emergency, or a come-to-me-baby invitation from his wife.

So there. It's not a reason one would quickly buy, but what the hell, you clicked the Read More button so let's start things up with

• Join the Mongol Rally. Why it's extreme: I don't know how to drive, people get killed in that race, and it takes almost a month to complete the whole route. Why I would try it: Test my driving skills (which is nonexistent), to see if people really die doing it (probably true judging from how brutal the name of the race sounds), and to know why it takes a long time to complete the course from somewhere in Europe to Mongolia. The coolest thing that could happen is when someone tries to enter the rally with a Bugatti Veyron. I would not try to complete the route, instead, I will just puke rainbows and rely on my teammate's driving.

• Walk on tightropes. Why it's extreme: You get to walk on wires, and just wires, while Death waits for you to fuck up. Also you get to hear the people looking up saying Oooohs and Aaaahs as you lose you balance. Why I would try it: To see how much sweat I can lose and check if the amount of sweat is really directly proportional to the number of fuck-ups. I will, however, not try to do it in a fancy suit in case I lose balance and die. I know pretty well that that scene would be a feast for people in the cyber world. I don't want to be the subject of memes or anything funny.

• Train surf. Why it's extreme: The combo of moving train and bridges is equivalent to the, well, just about anything that gives you hell. Why I would try it: Are you kidding me? Who would not? Come on, ladies and gentlemen! Let's die together as we hold hands! Whoever tries to dodge that bridge is an antichrist! Ten seconds now... Get rrrr-fff. *Silence from the people who give no f*

• BASE jump. Why it's extreme: You haven't seen a documentary about it, have you? Yeah, people die. Bad-ass. Why I would try it: I would like to see if I would not scream and wet my pants from doing it. AND I would like to experience the feeling of Earth crashing my face. How I would like to do it is probably the difficult part.  I would require an altitude that would take five minutes and 22 seconds from the top to the ground. Yep, you guessed it. I would like to do it while listening to R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly. I probably will hate the song if I end up, you know, not as good as I was before everything.

• Do freestyle scootering or (for a taste of more bad-ass) motocross. Why it's extreme: Kicking the ground, tongue proudly displayed to say "I am enjoying this!" Stuff like that? Yeah, extreme enough. Why I would try it: I don't know, man. Something is up with me. Something in me is telling me that I should try it and it's a waste of life span if I don't.

What's in your bucket list?

Published on Tumblr last May 9th, 2012